I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
