just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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