I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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