i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im holly from the hills drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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