She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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