there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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