The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.