drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!