My hand turned me down
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.