gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.