this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn