It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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