please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
