I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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