My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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