For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
