im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
