That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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