You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
