omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
