I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
