I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
