if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
