How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
