I want to make a zoo with you.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
