he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I want a musical about memes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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