I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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