Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.