I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you