Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.