pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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