i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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