I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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