just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
