he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
