Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
