So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
