you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sext me about skeletons
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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