You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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