I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
