So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
