Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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