how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
