had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
