i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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