I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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