Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
