I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
