I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Never joke about your clitoris.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize