I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
