I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
