Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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