She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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