Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
