today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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