i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
