Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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