There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
