the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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