I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
