I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
