If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My breasts were aching with rage.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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