dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
